


come and see

by starstrung



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-02
Updated: 2013-11-02
Packaged: 2017-12-31 06:15:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1028230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starstrung/pseuds/starstrung
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carol needs to figure out what she's going to do with her life now, and there are a lot of new things she needs to take into account.</p>
            </blockquote>





	come and see

Carol’s flat is exactly as she left it, PADDs and clothes strewn across the floor and a half-full mug of coffee still sitting on the edge of her desk. She had been in a hurry when she had left, anxious to get onto the Enterprise before it warped away, taking the mysterious torpedoes with them.

It feels like a lifetime since she’s been here last.

She is weary and numb, but she makes herself unzip her boots and peel off her uniform. She makes sure to fold her uniform and put it out of sight. She’s not sure if she’ll ever wear it again. She takes a shower, stands under the hot water until it runs cold. Afterwards, she curls into the sheets of her bed and falls asleep instantly.

In the morning, she doesn’t remember having dreamed anything but there are tear tracks on her cheeks and crescent bruises on her palms.

-

It’s a mistake to have come here. She isn’t even part of the crew, just an imposter, an outsider. She doesn’t deserve to be here. Carol lingers outside of the hospital, sitting on a stone bench, and wonders why she thought it was a good idea to come visit Kirk. She gets up to leave.

“Carol?”

She looks up and sees Nyota Uhura. She’s not wearing her uniform, so Carol almost doesn’t recognize her. The only time they talked was for a short while in the Sickbay, and she’d really not been in any state to hold a conversation then.

“Nyota!” Carol says. She’s surprised when Nyota closes the distance between them and hugs her tightly.

“It’s good to see you,” Nyota smiles, pulling away. Her voice is warm and sincere. “You’re here to visit Jim, right?”

Carol nods, still slightly dumbstruck.

Nyota lifts her hand, revealing that she’s carrying a bag of food. “Jim sent me a comm complaining about how the hospital food sucked and he needed someone to bring him Chinese food.” Nyota rolled her eyes. “I was the only one off shift, so I decided to come over.”

“How is he doing?” Carol asks tentatively.

“He’s doing great. Leonard says he should be out in a week. If it were up to Jim, he’d be out already.” Nyota sighs heavily. “He’s such a baby.” She says it with such fondness that Carol can’t help but smile. And at the same time she feels like an outsider.

“Is it all right if I’m here?” she asks.

“Of course it is!” Nyota says. There’s genuine surprise in her voice.

Nyota’s kindness triggers a sensation she can feel down to her bones, something warming and loose. Carol smiles back automatically.

“Come on,” Nyota says, and Carol follows her into the hospital.

The inside of the building is well-organized chaos. This isn’t the biggest hospital in the city, but it’s where all the non-critical patients have been moved, and it’s nearly full to bursting. Nyota walks through the busy scene with a sense of purpose, and Carol follows after her gratefully.

“There are more people here than I thought there would be,” Carol says as they ride the lift up.

Nyota nods. “The city is pretty scared. It’s been pretty slow getting rebuilding started, especially with everything that’s happened in Starfleet.”

Carol looks closer at Nyota, and realizes that she looks tired and worn. She feels a stab of guilt. “I wish I could help. Starfleet has taken me off duty for the time being. There might be a hearing, so they can ask me how much of my father’s plans I knew about.” Saying it out loud makes it real for her, and she clenches her fists.

Nyota makes a noise of disgust. “They can’t honestly think you were in on it, can they?”

Carol tries to smile, and fails. “I’m not quite sure. Anyway, the whole process will take a very long time. I might be grounded for quite a bit.”

Nyota steps forward, putting a hand on Carol’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, I’ll talk to Spock about it. We won’t let this happen, Carol.”

Carol smiles ruefully as she remembers the last conversation she had with Spock. “I don’t think Mr. Spock likes me very much.”

“You’re one of us,” Nyota says simply. “Spock knows that. And we take care of our own.”

The lift doors open and Nyota walks out. Carol stands there a moment until the lift beeps angrily at her. She takes a deep breath and hurries after her, a smile tugging at her lips.

Nyota stops at a hospital room and knocks loudly on the door. “Hope you’re decent,” she says loudly, before breezing in.

“Nyota, finally!” Jim says, getting up in bed. Leonard, standing beside him, makes a clucking noise.

“Jim, take it slow,” he says, but it’s completely lost on Jim, who has seen the food that Nyota has brought and has already let out a jubilant cry. Nyota hands over the food with a laugh, and sits at the edge of Jim’s bed.

Carol is glad to see Jim looking so well, although his movements are slow and his face is slightly pale. It is certainly better than the last time she saw him. Leonard, too, looks much better. His lips are pulled in a scowl but his eyes are smiling.

“Carol!” Jim exclaims, having just spotted her standing in the doorway. “You came!”

“It’s good to see you, Carol,” Leonard says. His hands are always moving, going to enter something in a PADD here, then going to fix Jim’s sheets there.

“It’s good to see you as well, Doctor,” Carol says. She’s glad she decided to come. It’s been lonely in her apartment, waiting for Starfleet to send her a message. She doesn’t feel alone anymore.

“Call me Leonard,” he replies smoothly. His eyes search her, as if checking automatically to make sure she’s okay. She straightens and meets his gaze, and he grins half-sheepishly before turning back to his PADD.

“Sit here,” Nyota calls, making room for her on the side of Jim’s bed. “There’s plenty of food here for all of us, if Jim doesn’t pig out.”

“Hey, you’re not the one who has to put up with hospital food,” Jim protests, his mouth already full with food.

Carol gratefully accepts an egg roll. She hasn’t eaten since morning. They pass around food and chopsticks, talking as they eat. Carol doesn’t join in the conversation much, still feeling a little shell-shocked. But occasionally, Jim will turn to her with a funny story, or Nyota will lean against her as she laughs.

She thinks this might be where she’s meant to be.

-

Leonard pulls her to the side as she’s about to leave.

“I never got the chance to thank you. You helped me save his life. Thank you. Truly.” He looks at her with earnest eyes, and she sees something fragile in them. She wonder what would have happened to him if Jim had not survived, and is grateful that she will never know.

-

Carol gets tired of waiting for news from Starfleet. She’s sitting at the table in her apartment, looking out the window one morning over a bowl of porridge when she suddenly makes up her mind. She packs a few things, locks up her apartment, and jumps on the first shuttle to London.

It’s disorienting being in the city again. She was a little girl the last time she was here, and yet it feels like nothing has changed. It’s like the last several years never happened. She visits all her favorite places, glad to be away from San Francisco for a short while.

She goes to her childhood home. After her mother’s death, her aunt and her family have come to live there. Carol doesn’t have many fond memories of her aunt. After her mother died and she went to live with her father, she basically broke all ties with that side of the family. So she waits until she’s sure that they’ve all gone to work and the children have gone off to school before she visits.

The keycode is still the same as she remembers. She steps inside, half expecting her mother to greet her. But it looks different, of course. There are different pictures on the walls, another child’s shoes in the entryway.

She goes to her room, not surprised to find that her things have been moved. A little searching finds her a box with her things in a dusty corner of the hallway closet. She sits on the floor, and pulls things out one by one.

There’s not much. An old stuffed rabbit she was fond of. A pouch full of seashells. It’s mostly old notebooks. She pulls one out at random, leafing through pages covered in old crayon drawings and misshapen childhood handwriting.

She turns another page and is surprised when pressed flowers fall out, scattering across the floor. She picks one up and holds it delicately between two fingers. She remembers picking these flowers as her mother told her their scientific names. The Latin had sounded like magic words, mystical and strange.

She finds another notebook, this one from when she was older, and it’s filled with sketches of plants. With the influence of her mother, she had gotten more and more interested in evolutionary biology, dreaming of life springing from water and rock.

Carol realizes how stiff her neck has gotten and looks up, surprised at how late it has gotten. There is rain lashing at the window now. She packs away a few of the notebooks into her bag, puts everything else back where she found it, and leaves.

Deep down, she knows she doesn’t belong in London anymore.

-

Carol has been back barely two days before someone is knocking at her door. She’s surprised to find that it’s Nyota.

“You weren’t answering your comm,” Nyota says, by way of greeting. She looks worried, and isn’t smiling like last time. “Are you okay?”

Carol nods. “I was in London. I forgot to take my comm with me,” she lies.

Nyota looks relieved.

“I’m being rude.” Carol steps away from the door. “Come in, have a cup of tea,” she says, hoping she doesn’t look too tired. Looking around, she realizes her flat is still a mess. “Sorry,” she apologizes, cleaning up some of the clutter so that there’s at least room to sit down.

“It’s fine,” Nyota says, helping her put away some dishes in the sink. “I barely have time to keep anything clean either. And I’d love some tea, thank you.”

Nyota leans against her kitchen counter as Carol begins making tea. They talk about Jim, about the Enterprise, about the city’s rebuilding efforts. But eventually they fall silent as the tea brews.

“I knew you were in London,” Nyota admits quietly. Carol looks at her in surprise. “I told Jim you weren’t picking up your comm and he checked for me. Sorry.” She doesn’t look at all repentant, and Carol wonders whose idea it was to look her up. She’s surprised at herself that she’s not angry at this invasion of her privacy. After all, she did do something similar to get onto the Enterprise in the first place.

“I was worried you weren’t coming back,” Nyota explains.

“I should have told you I was going,” Carol says, pouring out the tea carefully. “I just had to get away from San Francisco for a bit, that’s all.” She hands Nyota a mug. “I left my comm behind on purpose,” she confesses, blushing.

That earns her a laugh. “I thought so,” Nyota says.

Carol smiles into her mug, and doesn’t apologize. She knows, somehow, that Nyota understands.

Nyota blows on her tea, steam pooling against her eyelashes before dissipating. “Do you have family there?” she asks.

Carol shakes her head. “I do, but I didn’t go to see them. I’m not sure why I went exactly. Perhaps I wanted to be somewhere away from where my father had never been.”

But that’s not true either. Her father _had_ been there, the night her mother had died. He had stood in the doorway and told her to pack her things. He had been unfamiliar and stern-looking. But she had loved him anyway. The memory makes her go quiet, and she stares into her mug.

“What was your mother like?” Nyota prompts gently.

“She worked with plants, a geneticist. She would take me to Kew Gardens sometimes. She made me want to be a biologist as well. I got a degree in evolutionary biology but I never used it.”

“What changed?” Nyota asks.

“My father wanted me to go into advanced weaponry. Even then he had plans for a more militarized Starfleet. I just didn’t see how far he was willing to go.” Carol feels her lips twist in a sardonic smile. She had been closer to him than anyone and she hadn’t seen how much of a monster he was.

“You couldn’t have known, Carol,” Nyota says.

“I should have seen it,” she says. Anger that she’s been keeping away is rushing back to the surface now, making her face feel hot. “I should have told someone. I should have stopped him.” Her voice is shaking.

“His actions aren’t on you, Carol. They were his choices, and all of the blame is on him.” Nyota sets down her mug and crosses the kitchen to stand next to her, one hand rubbing reassuringly against her back. Carol calms down slowly.

“I actually wanted to talk to you about that,” Nyota says softly after a while. “I had Spock talk to Starfleet. They’re going to get your hearing pushed up. And it’ll be more of a ceremonial thing, I promise. There’s no way Starfleet is going to think you had anything to do with it.”

Dread curdles in her stomach. The idea of talking about her father to a room of strangers is terrifying.

“I’m not sure, Nyota. About Starfleet. I’m thinking maybe it’s a good thing I’m restricted from duty.”

“What do you mean?” Nyota asks. She pulls away slightly, and Carol finds herself missing her proximity.

“I don’t think I can be a part of Starfleet after what’s happened,” Carol says. “With my father. With Khan. And the Klingons. I’m not ready to fight any wars.”

“Neither am I,” Nyota insists. “But whatever happens, I can’t leave Jim on his own. He’d do something stupid, or Leonard would get so pissed at him that he’d do something even worse.” Nyota laughs fondly. “Leonard only just released Jim from the hospital, and I’m already worried about them.” It’s a small attempt at humor, but Carol finds herself smiling anyway.

“And Spock?” Carol asks. She’s not sure why, but it’s an important question.

“I don’t know if Spock needs my help,” Nyota says, and her smile is a little sad. Carol wants to ask, but she’s not sure what to say, and they lapse into silence.

“There’s a place for you there, Carol,” Nyota says after they’ve finished their tea. “On the Enterprise. Whatever you end up choosing, I just want you to know that.” She pauses and bites her lip before going on. “One nice thing about working with Starfleet is that it lets you choose your own family.”

-

Carol begins looking into research projects. There’s one that strikes her interest. She’s seriously considering applying before she realizes that it’s on a research outpost orbiting Regula, a planetoid she’s never even heard of before. The idea of being so far from home is simultaneously frightening and tempting. She opens up the application and stares at it for a long time, considering.

She still hasn’t decided whether or not to go to the hearing with Starfleet.

-

Carol falls asleep while paging through one of her old notebooks. Her comm wakes her up. She squints in the hazy dark, and blearily asks the computer what time it is.

“5:02,” the computer answers blithely, and she groans.

She fumbles for her comm and turns it on. “Yes?” she rasps.

“Carol? Oh no, did I wake you up? I keep forgetting what time it is on Earth.” It’s her friend, Christine Chapel.

“Christine!” Carol sits up quickly in bed, hand smoothing at her hair.

“I can call back later if you want!” Christine says, sounding apologetic.

“No, no,” Carol says. “We haven’t talked in ages. I missed you.” With everything that’s happened, she hasn’t had a chance to contact Christine in ages. She gets out of bed, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

“It’s only, I just heard about what happened. News is so slow to travel here. And when I heard, I had to make sure you were okay. I didn’t think to check the time.”

Carol holds the comm with one hand and begins making a pot of coffee with the other. “I’m fine, Chris, really. Everything’s happened so fast, it’s barely given me time to think.”

Christine huffs a laugh. “Carol, don’t lie to me. We dated for two years, remember? I can tell when you’re not telling the truth.”

Carol smiles ruefully to herself. She’s never been able to fool Christine. Maybe that’s why they eventually made better friends than lovers. She takes a deep breath and tells Christine everything that’s happened, since Christine apparently had only gotten a very brief summary of events. She has to stop when she gets to the part where her father was killed.

“I miss him. I miss my dad,” she admits softly. It’s a relief to say it out loud, but she feels ashamed nonetheless. “Even after what he did. I still want to see him.”

“Of course you still want to see him,” Christine says. “No one deserved to die like that, Carol.” Carol can’t say anything for a while, just nods, even though Chris can’t see it.

Carol steers the conversation away from herself after that, and they talk about Christine’s work. Christine seems happy, although she says that the work can be exhausting and one of her co-workers is sometimes a lazy asshole. She shares some interesting stories and Carol listens to her as she drinks her coffee and watches the sun come up.

“What about you, Carol?” Christine asks, after she’s done talking and morning sunlight is beginning to pour through the window. “What are you going to do now? Back to torpedoes?”

“Actually, I’m thinking about going into biology. Like my mum. There’s a research outpost on Regula that I was considering.”

“Regula. That’s pretty far,” Christine says, sounding hesitant. “So no more Starfleet? You’re going to trade in your science blues? Live the civilian life?”

“As much of a civilian life as you can manage on a research outpost orbiting a faraway planetoid, yes,” Carol says, trying to keep her tone light. She sighs when Christine only makes a noncommittal noise of agreement. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s a pretty big decision, isn’t it? I just hope you’re not running away.”

“Like you ran away?” Carol snaps, and she immediately regrets it. “Sorry. Shit. Chris, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s fine,” Christine says, and Carol is relieved that she doesn’t sound angry. Chris was always the more level-headed one, while Carol was quicker to get angry and make decisions without thinking.

“Kirk didn’t remember you when I brought you up,” Carol tells her.

Christine laughs. “No, he wouldn’t. When I gave him my resignation, he was so drunk I’m surprised he could stand. Can’t say I blame him. It _was_ right after Nero, after all. But the next shuttle to leave for the outer frontier was the next day. I didn’t want to stay on Earth and be reminded of all the people I lost to Nero. I had to leave.”

“I know, Chris,” Carol says softly, feeling terrible about bringing it up. Christine had been friends with more people during the Academy than anyone else she knew. She naturally drew people and brought out the best in them. So when Nero had wiped out their entire class, Christine had been the one to lose the most.

“I wish I was there for you, Carol. You don’t realize how huge space is until you miss someone on the other side of it,” Christine sighs. “Is there someone you can talk to?”

“The Enterprise crew has been very nice.” Carol draws up her knees and inches her toes into the warm crooks of her sofa. It’s a chilly morning. “Especially Nyota,” she adds.

“Nyota Uhura? Oh, I remember her!” Christine says. Carol smiles. Of course Chris would.

“She’s very nice. I like her. She’s… nice,” Carol tells her, picking absentmindedly at a loose thread.

Christine laughs. “It must be pretty serious if that’s all you can manage to say about her.”

Carol huffs. “It’s not like that, Chris! Anyway, she’s dating Mr. Spock.”

“Oh, is she?” Christine says, sounding amused.

Carol rolls her eyes good-naturedly. Chris will never change. “She said I should join the Enterprise crew. Legitimately this time.”

“That’s great! Why don’t you do that?”

“I just don’t trust Starfleet anymore, Chris,” Carol says, sighing.

“Do you trust the crew? Do you trust Nyota?” Christine presses.

“Yes, of course I do,” Carol answers, and she’s surprised at how little she has to think about it. She does trust them. They saved her life and she saved theirs. They helped her walk when she was broken and limping. And they’ve done nothing to make her doubt them. Carol remembers what Nyota had said, about choosing your own family.

“Well, that’s it then,” Christine says, sounding satisfied. She makes it sound so simple.

And maybe it is, for once.

-

So she goes to the hearing.

It doesn’t go well.

-

When Nyota finds her, she’s sitting on a bench at the pier. It’s usually teeming with families and their children, but today there are very few people out. A thick fog blankets the city, and the lights across the bay seem ghostly.

“How did you know where I was?” Carol asks. Her voice sounds wooden.

“You think I can be Chief of Communications on the Enterprise without knowing how to track down someone’s comm frequency?” Nyota scoffs. She shrugs out of her coat and puts it around Carol’s shoulders.

Carol protests and tries to give it back, but Nyota doesn’t let her. “You need it more than I do. I’m fine.” She gestures to her thick woolen jumper. Carol makes a face, but she wraps the coat around herself gratefully. It smells like Nyota, warm and light. She shivers.

Nyota looks at her with concern. “How long have you been out here?”

Carol shrugs. She honestly doesn’t know. “You were right, you know,” she says.

“About what?”

“I don’t think Starfleet’s going to implicate me in anything my father did.”

“Then…” Nyota trails off, sounding confused.

“They told me to turn over all the files and information I have on what my father was doing. They’re asking me not to say anything,” Carol bites it out. It still leaves a disgusting taste in her mouth. She can’t decide what is worse. The looks of cold pity that the Starfleet officials had fixed her with, or the knowledge of what they were asking her to do.

“Oh,” Nyota breathes softly. She inches closer to Carol, and Carol rests her head on Nyota’s shoulder.

“They’re just going to continue making every mistake my father did. They’re going to build an entire fleet of those bloody starships and they’ll start the war that my father raised me up to fight.” She doesn’t realize she’s shaking with anger until she feels Nyota’s hand on her shoulder. She shrugs it off and looks out at the bay, struggling to keep her composure.

“All this time, I thought I was learning advanced weaponry. But _I’m_ the real weapon.” She laughs mirthlessly. “It was childish to think I could be a biologist, work in a quiet lab and study plants. All I’ve ever done is come up with ways to _destroy_ people. Starfleet will definitely find me useful when it decides to go to war.”

Nyota gets on her feet as well, eyes flashing. “If you let yourself be used by them, then you’re worse than your father, Carol.”

Her words are like a slap. Carol stares at her, unable to form words for a moment. “Then what am I supposed to do, Nyota?” she asks, pleading.

Nyota’s eyes soften. “Come with us. If we play our cards right, Starfleet will be sending the Enterprise on a five year mission to explore space. Even if there are plans to go to war, that won’t be for a while, and until then, Starfleet’s going to be doing all it can to keep up the pretense of peace.”

“Besides,” Nyota continues, “keeping us all here on the ground where we can spill Starfleet’s dirty secrets makes them nervous.” She gives Carol a look that’s half mischievous, half ruthless. “I suppose that applies doubly so in your case. They probably can’t _wait_ to send you out into the black where you can’t say anything.”

“Does Jim know this?” Carol asks. She wonders how Nyota knows all this about Starfleet’s plans. Perhaps being Chief of Communications for the Enterprise entails more than she originally thought.

Nyota shrugs. “If he does, he’s not saying anything. Jim knows he doesn’t have many friends in Starfleet, especially after Admiral Pike died. He wants this five year mission just as much as the rest of us.”

“Five years in space,” Carol breathes. It sounds like a dream. “Wouldn’t we be running away?” Christine’s words echo back at her.

“There’s nothing wrong with running away if you have your friends with you,” Nyota says confidently. “We’ll be safe out there, we’ll be together. You can choose whatever it is you want to do, torpedoes or evolutionary biology. Or both.”

Both. Carol laughs at the idea, but something about it makes her think. A combination of torpedoes and evolutionary biology. Perhaps it isn’t such a ridiculous idea after all.

Carol looks into Nyota’s eyes and smiles, giddy with the possibilities. “Nyota, it would be my honor to serve with you on the crew of the Enterprise.” She puts her arms through the sleeves of Nyota’s coat so it won’t fall off and hugs Nyota. They rock back and forth on the pier for a moment, both giggling.

After a while, they both go quiet and Carol feels Nyota’s warm breath quicken against the side of her neck. She makes herself pull away. She’s known for a while that she’s attracted to Nyota, but this isn’t right.

Nyota’s fingers curl into the fabric of the coat, keeping her from pulling completely away. Her eyes are wide, reflecting the lights on the pier, and Carol can’t look away, not even if she wanted to. “Spock and I broke up,” she says softly.

“You did?” Carol breathes.

Nyota nods. “He’s not ready for a relationship and I told him I can’t wait for him. It’s fine. It was a relief, to be honest.” She leans forward until her forehead is touching Carol’s, and all Carol can see are those gorgeous eyelashes of hers. “Besides, it means I can get together with this really hot torpedo expert I know. I guess I have a thing for science blues.”

“Oh,” Carol manages to say, and then Nyota is kissing her, one hand going up to cup her cheek, fixing them into an angle that makes her feel warm right down to her bones. It’s sweet and singing, and Carol pushes deeper into the kiss until she can feel Nyota unfolding against her. It seems like whole minutes pass where there is nothing but fingers tangling in hair and lips trailing across skin.

The beep of a comm alerts them, and they pull apart, their quick breaths pooling steam into the cold air between them. “That must be Jim,” Nyota says, voice gone ragged. Her cheeks look red and her lips swollen, Carol notices with satisfaction.

Nyota clears her throat and answers the comm. “Hey, Jim.”

Jim’s voice sounds anxious. “What happened? Did you find her?”

Nyota’s eyes meet Carol’s and they exchange an amused look. “Yeah, I found her.”

Jim breathes a sigh of relief. “Good. What did she say?”

Nyota’s smile is sharp, and Carol wonders what exactly she’s gotten herself into. “She said yes. She’d love to join the Enterprise’s crew.”

Carol takes Nyota’s hand and pulls the comm so it’s between them. “I hope you have room for another science officer, Captain,” she tells him.

Jim laughs, sounding delighted. “Of course we do, Carol. And, actually, I already filed the paperwork. It would have been awkward if you had said no.”

“The one time you’re _ahead_ on your paperwork,” Nyota jokes.

“Well, I haven’t had much to do,” Jim says.

“That’s terrible,” Nyota says sarcastically. “Tell that to Leonard. I’m sure he’ll find you _something_ to do.” Her tone hints at innuendo and Carol stifles a laugh. She had wondered if Jim and Leonard had been seeing each other, but this confirms it.

“Yeah, I think you might be right,” Jim says, suddenly sounding distracted. Carol begins to suspect that Leonard might be in the same room as him. “Gotta go!” Jim says quickly, and the connection suddenly terminates.

“Come on,” Carol says in a low voice, after they’ve finished laughing. “Let’s go back to my place and finish warming each other up properly, shall we?”

“Sounds good to me,” Nyota smiles.


End file.
